I woke in the middle of the night last night to the pitter patter of feet on our wood floors. I wondered who would appear at the side of our bed. A moment later, Callum did. I pulled him into bed and he instantly cuddled into me and closed his eyes. I lay there awake, wishing I had the innocence of young child right now. Also wishing I could cuddle in with my parents and have all the cares of the world melt away.
I have always loved the news. Even as a kid, I would sit and read the newspaper and watch the news with my mom. I consider myself well informed. I wake up in the morning now and question if I even want to check the news. What sort of mind-blowing craziness will I read today? I watched a couple weeks ago as grocery stores in other countries had empty shelves. Now it's happening in ours.
When I went grocery shopping a week ago and found so many empty shelves, I almost cried then and there. It felt so overwhelming. All the sudden, six mouths feels like a lot to feed. Ian went to the store this morning and waited an hour just to get in. He was able to get almost everything on our list, before waiting to check out in a line that stretched to the back of the store. Is this our new normal?
I mourn the thought that I may not get to go to Callum's preschool Mother's Day tea. It has been a highlight of mine the times I got to do it with the other kids and I looked forward to it. I imagine Callum not getting his little end of year promotion like the other kids did. I love those preschool teachers so much and worry for them. Will they still get paid?
I worry for my parents. Will they get sick? Why is my dad still meeting with people? That exposes him and my mom. I worry for my brother. Will he get sick? He has to be out working. I worry for his business with everything closing. What will this mean for him and his business?
I hope and pray that my kids are blissfully unaware. I tend to be one who can let things go. But this weight, its there all day and all night. Well, except at the dinner table. When we eat dinner together, it seems so normal. It makes the weight go away for a little while.
There is still beauty all around us. I smiled seeing the trees getting leaves again while on a walk with the kids yesterday. People are rallying around each other and helping in times of need and that's a beautiful thing. It helps dull that aching feeling I have for a bit.
But this is all real. Very real. And I wonder what our new reality will be once this is all over.
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