Who am I?

I have a friend that has a mommy day once a week. Her mom watches her kids for a few hours and she gets to do whatever her heart desires. One day when asking her what she normally does with her mommy day, she threw at me a bunch of things that reminded me of my childless years - pedicures, sitting in coffee shops, reading a book, browsing through stores and more. After realizing that I fully expected her to answer that her childless days were spent grocery shopping, running errands and cleaning, I was slapped across the face struck with a reality. Who I am is so different from who I was a few years ago. 

I used to fill my time with ease. Shopping, dinner with friends, coffee with different friends, hosting poker nights at our house, BBQs in the backyard with friends, going to the movies, reading books, fancy dinners, spur of the moment trips to Disneyland. Now-a-days, if I get a breather, I run around the house picking things up, taking out the trash, running the vacuum. And if I am really feeling crazy, I will run out to Target after the kids are in bed. 

Have I lost myself?

Have I become the person I swore I would never become? You know, the mom who loses herself in her children. 

After muling it over, I am pretty certain the answer is no. But I have become a different person. And along with that change has come different past times. Rarely do I get a true moment to myself to do whatever the heck I please. In fact, those moments almost never happen. Usually after the kids are in bed and the laundry is going, I will sneak some time in to go through the pictures I took of the kids that day and write a blog. That's about it before I fall into bed. 

As the kids get older, I hope I don't discover that I lost the relationships I once held dear. I don't want to lose myself, but I also don't want to lose others I love. I hope to not only grow old with Ian by my side, but with my friends and family as well. I hope to never lose sight of who I am. To never find myself trying to figure out what it is that I enjoy. 

And in case that happens, here is a little reminder. On the 5th day of March in 2013, here are some of the things I enjoy:

blogging

amateur photography

thrifting

reading (though these days it is blogs rather than books)

cuddling with Ian on the couch

coffee

reading the newspaper

going for a drive with Ian

listening to the rain

cuddling with my babies

the sun on my face

Some days I think I just need a little reminder that though I am a mom and that literally takes up all my time, I am my own person as well. I don't want to forget that and learn the hard way when my kids are all grown up.