Lately I haven't been able to shake this feeling. It is hard to describe. Almost dread, yet joy at the same time. I am at the place in my life I have always wanted to be and now I fear it passing me by. My kids are changing on a daily basis. Sometimes an hourly one. And I don't want to miss it. I don't want to leave this phase of life. I like it here.
I like the late night cuddles with my baby on my chest. I like the way my toddler lights up when he sees a train and yells to find another one after it passes. I love the kissing sounds Isla makes after I kiss her and how she waves whenever I say bye. I love how Connor copies me and says "good morning sunshine" to Isla. I love it all. Sure there are plenty of hard and stressful parts too. We get the tantrums, the tired babes and the up-all-nights. My dining room floor is always covered in food, my sink full of dishes and bathrooms not clean. But the rest of it more than makes up for all of that.
I just feel like this is the only part of my life I can't replace. Ian and I have plenty of time to go to dinner by ourselves, go on a world adventure, have clean cars and a clean house. But we only have this one opportunity to have babies at home and it is slipping by to quickly for my own comfort.
Oh, and I realize you may think I am crazy for saying this given that every single person I have brought this up with lately has looked at me like I was crazy and said they couldn't wait for the baby phase to be over. Oh well. I guess I am different. It's not the first time.
Also, I realize there will hopefully be more little Grimbleby's to follow, but I still can't bear the thought of no longer having to wash my little ones in the bath or cuddle with one before I put them to bed. This mama seems to be getting empty nest syndrome when motherhood has only just begun for her!
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Uh oh! Somebody might get knocked up soon! Kidding! I see what you are saying. These times will only be once. That is why I choose to play outside and go on walking adventures over dirty dishes. The dishes can wait, but those little moments cannot.
ReplyDeleteOh Jessica I really really needed to read this. Like bad. I've been struggling with the no sleep and just feeling exhausted and not being able to wait until xy or z. I am not enjoying the late night cuddles with Austin like I should be. Enjoying the silliness with Allyson. Time for me to shift my focus so thanks for helping me see that.
ReplyDeleteAnd as always your kids are stinkin adorable!! Connor looks like such a big boy! I can't believe it.
I don't think that's weird at all! Motherhood is such a special, fleeting time and if you are especially called to be a mom, which you clearly are, it's hard to not feel nostalgia for the times you're already living in. What I'm hoping is that each stage will fulfill your mothering needs further (like, you'll find a different and perfect fulfillment in the snuggles and rewards of a 5 year old Isla).
ReplyDeleteYou've got such cute kids, it's no wonder you're in love with them in every moment. I think that's so sweet.
aw, I think it's so sweet that you are treasuring your babies so much right now, that you can't imagine your life without them. Like Rachael says, you're going to grow with your kids, and by the time they're teenagers, you'll be ready to kick them out. ;) just kidding, what I was really going to say was that by the time they're teenagers, you'll couldn't imagine how life could have been any different.
ReplyDeletethanks, totally just bawled....
ReplyDeleteThank you for bringing me to tears in the middle of Starbucks. ;) and for the wonderful reminder. I'm with you on this 100%....baby cuddles and our children seeing us as the most amazing person in the whole wide world!
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