Lately I haven't been able to shake this feeling. It is hard to describe. Almost dread, yet joy at the same time. I am at the place in my life I have always wanted to be and now I fear it passing me by. My kids are changing on a daily basis. Sometimes an hourly one. And I don't want to miss it. I don't want to leave this phase of life. I like it here.
I like the late night cuddles with my baby on my chest. I like the way my toddler lights up when he sees a train and yells to find another one after it passes. I love the kissing sounds Isla makes after I kiss her and how she waves whenever I say bye. I love how Connor copies me and says "good morning sunshine" to Isla. I love it all. Sure there are plenty of hard and stressful parts too. We get the tantrums, the tired babes and the up-all-nights. My dining room floor is always covered in food, my sink full of dishes and bathrooms not clean. But the rest of it more than makes up for all of that.
I just feel like this is the only part of my life I can't replace. Ian and I have plenty of time to go to dinner by ourselves, go on a world adventure, have clean cars and a clean house. But we only have this one opportunity to have babies at home and it is slipping by to quickly for my own comfort.
Oh, and I realize you may think I am crazy for saying this given that every single person I have brought this up with lately has looked at me like I was crazy and said they couldn't wait for the baby phase to be over. Oh well. I guess I am different. It's not the first time.
Also, I realize there will hopefully be more little Grimbleby's to follow, but I still can't bear the thought of no longer having to wash my little ones in the bath or cuddle with one before I put them to bed. This mama seems to be getting empty nest syndrome when motherhood has only just begun for her!