Today is the day we were originally supposed to head back to Scotland. We had booked a trip to California for the holidays before we knew we were moving. And that round trip ticket turned into a one way ticket. A thought I am still trying to wrap my head around.
Looking at pictures of Scotland makes me sad. It is so close to my memory, I can close my eyes and feel like I am there. But I know my house and my life there no longer "exist". Its weird. It makes me sad.
Sure California is great. At one time, I thought it was the best place to live. Ever. And I am sure I will get back to that place. However, I have gotten used to a much slower pace of life. And sometimes I have been getting overwhelmed by all that is going on in California. The first couple times I went to the store or the mall, I just wanted to leave. There was too much going on and too many people everywhere. Sure, it was before Christmas, but I think there was more to it.
Living with my parents feels unsettling to me. I want to live in a place of my own. I want to unpack all my stuff from storage and make discoveries in all that stuff. I want to decorate a room for Connor. Decorate it exactly how I want to...a luxury I didn't have in Scotland (given that we were in a rental). I got a car last week and that helped me feel a little more settled. I could stop dragging Connor's car seat from one car to another. And I got to stop begging people for rides.
There are things we did in Scotland that I didn't want to lose. I enjoyed walking places. I really do miss that. There is no where to walk around here, except around the neighborhood and that isn't exciting. I wanted to continue cooking all the time. I still have been doing that...good job Jessica! Of course, there are subtle differences about the groceries in the different countries. Differences small enough to annoy me, but not large enough to drive me crazy.
Today is the first day I have felt "normal". It felt like a routine and I liked that. Connor and I hung out more and rushed around less. That was nice. I want more normal, calm days and less rushed crazy days. So bring on the normal!
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It will come Jess! I can't imagine what you and your family must be going through (transition). I do understand the difference in the way of life, being that I had spent a few months in Scotland, it was even hard for me to come back, and I was there for only a short while.
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