Lets start with my feelings. I have left Connor with a babysitter less than a handful of times. I know it isn't necessarily a healthy thing to do. I need to let go a bit. On Sunday he went to the nursery. The whole service my stomach was in knots. I couldn't wait for service to end so I could run down and grab my boy. Pathetic, I know. But because of these feelings, the thought of going back to work and leaving Connor with someone other than myself or Ian overwhelms me. I'm his mother. I am meant to be with him. On a little side note, I never knew I would have these kinds of feelings. But then there is a flip side...it may be healthy for me to do some stuff away from Connor a few hours a week. Plus we could have some extra cash.
But then there is the unknown with work. I still don't know what store I am going to (I work at Starbucks). And I don't know what my schedule will be. Because of not knowing my schedule, I don't know what I will do with Connor when I do go to work. And having to deal with all of this at a new store where I know no one makes me even more stressed. What if I go back to work and hate it? If I quit, I feel like I am letting people down. If I don't even go back, I feel like I was a poser even taking maternity leave.
UGH...I just need to let this stress go. I don't like that feeling I get in my stomach when I think about all of this. It is just a job. And it is just for some extra money. Is it all worth it?
For now, I get to look at this little face as much as I want and he calms me down.
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ouch... such a tough decision. I don't envy you for having to make it. The not knowing your schedule would be the most difficult part... how are you suppose to arrange childcare??
ReplyDeleteSince you work at Starbucks, could you possibly go back to work part-time?
if you can go back for just a few hours a week I recommend it.
ReplyDeleteConnor's at an age when leaving him is SUPER hard, but in a few months it might feel very differently! I would have had a very difficult time leaving Landon at Connor's age but now I would LOVE to have something to go to for just a few hours a week (or one day). As they get older a break is REALLY nice! So you might want to go ahead and just dow it right now so you have that time later. My two cents.
Thanks for the encouragement ladies. I got an email this morning with the details about what store I am supposed to go to. I spoke with the store manager and we are going to meet on Monday to discuss a work schedule for me. We shall see how everything goes but I am already feeling better!
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